TRUE CONFESSIONS: OF AN OFW (first edition)

WHO IS TO BE BLAMED

WHEN A TREE IS WASHED AWAY FROM THE SHORE?

IS IT THE WAVES THAT RUSHED TO THE GROUND

AND TOOK IT AWAY?

IS IT THE GROUND THAT GAVE IN

TO THE STRENGTH OF THE RUSHING WAVES AND LET IT GO?

OR IS IT THE TREE THAT DIDN’T HOLD STRONG ENOUGH TO THE GROUND AND WENT A’DRIFT WITH THE WAVES?

                                                    OFW Deployment

INTRODUCTION:

As a common knowledge to all Filipinos, OFW is an acronym for Overseas Filipino Workers. OFW trend is in fact considered a phenomenon in the Philippines, but now this is no longer isolated in the Philippines alone, as I have mentioned  in my blog http://veroyrosalinda.blogspot.com/2011/11/whose-boss-what-you-can-do-i-can-do.html

Millions of Filipinos live and work outside the Philippines. Overseas Filipinos often work as doctors, physical therapists, nurses, accountants, IT professionals, engineers, architects, entertainers, technicians, teachers, military servicemen, seafarers, students, caregivers, drivers and domestic helpers. Remittances sent by OFWs contribute to the country's economy, remittances from OFWs amounts to billions of dollars, in fact remittances is what keeps the Philippine economy afloat.

On the other hand, Philippine government has became so convenient, that they didn’t even bother to carve out any plan or program, to overturn the present trend. Or we see it this way; the government regarded this like a goose that lays a golden egg, so all they think is how to make the goose lay more golden eggs! 

Disgusting that is, to think that we don’t feel the same. We, the OFWs fear everyday for the day that we get old and incapable to work anymore. We felt hopeless thinking about the possibility that our children and children’s children will become OFWs too!

With the economy doomed and the corruption ridden government, which doesn’t have any economic rehabilitation project, OFWs are regarded as heroes back home. Yes heroes, as a traditional concept of heroes that suffered and sacrificed so that we can bring food to our family’s table and at the same time keep our country’s economy afloat. Never mind if you are hanged in Singapore. Never mind if you are sentenced to die in china, never mind if some languish in jail in Saudi Arabia. Never mind if some got raped in Kuwait…..never mind…and endless never mind….. OFW remittances creates economic impact, that’s all what the government cared for.

Because of the extreme poverty a common Juan de la Cruz is experiencing, seeing OFW families able to afford a little luxury (occasional dining out in some popular food joints like Jollibee and mc Donald’s), almost every Filipino family wishes to have at least one OFW in them.

Vis-à-vis to this situation is the degradation of family status. It is believed that the present trend is contributory to the early unwanted pregnancies, drug and alcohol addiction among the young generation and family relationships, either tainted or broken.

Though the fault is not directly traced on the part of OFWs (who some engaged in extra marital relationship, some for financial reasons, some emotional, some psychological, some intentional, accidental….....or whatever ), may be a man or a woman, or the spouse left behind who is suppose to take good care of the needs of the family (psychological, spiritual and  emotional) aside from managing the finances wisely while the spouse is away, or the children who are suppose to acknowledge the sacrifices their parent/parents made for their future. Blame it to the government? To the wife? To the husband? Or to the children? ………….precisely, it’s just a solution of one problem (hardship) that produces a series of problems that nobody seemed to exert effort to a find a solution, and it went into a vicious circle!

This is only the first of true stories; of real people, of real events…..of real world!

I used to have a comfortable life. My parents were able to provide me such. Even after I got married at a very young age, they continued to look after my family’s needs. Even through this situation, it didn’t make an irresponsible person in me. I heartily felt my responsibility towards my family, and most especially my desire to see them (my children) through, obtain their degree and have a stable life, and then I can die happily.

Never was a selfish desire in my heart, for everything I wanted and I desired, is for my family. I am a very hard working person, I am able to multi task. I don’t want to sound egoistic, but this is the truth. I run also a small eatery, which I personally cook, and at the same time, I was still able to run my dress shop. On the spare time, I buy and sell small jewelries, and to be a good mother to my children, good daughter to my parents, and good sister and sister in-law. I just can’t understand why no matter how I worked, no matter how big my income is, money just simply slipped away like water when you hold them in your hands.

Though I disappointed my parents by marrying so early, they supported me all the way, until I finished college. They provided me a job in our own transportation company, and they also provided a job for my husband who in spite of the years still remained jobless.

All through my married life, I never experienced being a wife in a real sense of the word. I never experienced receiving my husband’s salary like most of Filipino housewives do. I never receive even a simple gift for any occasion. Nor even a single flower. Though it’s hard to say but the reality is, I never felt loved, I just felt used.

My husband used to tell me about his miserable childhood. Being the youngest in the family, how he grew up alone because his mother was the bread winner and his father stayed at home, doesn’t take good care of him. I can see how he loved the flashlights so much because when he was a kid, and his father was still out in the middle of the night drinking with friends; he was alone in the house, and he will turn on his flashlight inside the blanket, so he will not be afraid of the dark. How at the age of seven, he will climb up the “abohan”(a native version of cooking area using firewood) to grill “pot-pot”(a very small dried fish) over the fire to go with the rice for his dinner. Because of these, I always gave considerations to his misgivings thinking he will realize that everything is past, and he needs to start a new life.

We have a modest house, it’s a gift from my parents. As years passed I began to know him deeper. His capabilities and limitations, I realized; I and my children will not have a bright future If I wait on him, so I think and establish every business opportunity I came across with, and while I work day and night, my husband was just in the sidelines, doing what I ask him to do, and killing the time exchanging pleasantries with his friends. In the evening, after dinner, he goes to the terrace to drink alcohol (tanduay) until midnight. This is the usual routine, though it’s hard to admit, but the painful reality is; he is an alcoholic. And it seems not enough, although jobless; he can afford to gamble every day. Oh he got crazy with lotto (6/42, 6/45, 6/49, 6 digit, 4 digits and “suertres”).

On top of it all, almost all our maids, and nannies of my kids were his paramour, and some have flirtatious relationships with him. Those who rejected his advances, we easily know, because he will treat them rudely. Open times yelling at them, calling them ugly, stupid and moron. But I just became so gullibly stupid! Or call it false pride maybe?……..like it’s hard to admit, that I made a very big mistake, so I tried to hide it from my family and from other people and I tried to show the opposite. 

Nothing is certain in this world. The economic crunch and family squabbles and some wrong administrative decisions forced our company to close down. I was able to establish some businesses of my own but nothing seems to last, I don’t know why. It felt like there is this unseen hand holding it back.

Saudi woman inside the grocery store

Until, through the prodding of my husband, I decided to go and work abroad. During that time, it didn’t cross my mind to question him, “why me? You are the man and you are the one that is supposed to go.” I just thought he didn’t have enough guts (as he used to be, but I discovered later, that he did it on purpose because he has an ongoing secret romantic relationship with a woman he introduced to me as his friend and even brought that woman to sleep over in my house. What I’m not sure, is if she was the only one during that time, because the latest I discovered was 4 or 5, at the same time).

My first employer in jeddah Saudi Arabia was a self acclaimed designer turned mutawwah (Islamic police), I worked as a fashion designer, together with a filipino gay named Jorge. I was shocked with, how living in this country became bearable! For an artist like me, it felt like I am in the middle of the cemetery. I love colors; color is my life, my soul. But here I am in the middle of this place and anywhere I turned to, all I see is black and white.

For the first time in my life, I experience how it is to work, while someone in front of me, is roaming around screaming with wide eyes which seem to pop out……uttering words I cannot comprehend. He is Abdul Bhari, a Syrian who acts as a manager/supervisor. He doesn’t know how to speak English. We have two lady watchers, both Syrians, who doesn’t know how to speak English too. Ohhhh life!!! My very first predicament was communication gap.

saudi women in Souq (shops)

                                                 

I love to sing, I used to sing while I am working. But singing is  prohibited; you can’t even hum a melody. Watching TV was not allowed either, nor a radio or a cassette. Furthermore;  even cellphones with camera is strictly prohibited. The main doors were locked…..and there was even no fire escape. 

I am terrified of the thought, what if there will be a fire? And the worst thing is, everyone around me(Filipinos) who had converted to Islam, was allowed to go, have a day off during Fridays, except me. I am not even allowed to talk to other Filipinos. Is it maybe because I did not convert to Islam? I don’t know why. But I heard from other Filipino sewers, that they are very strict with the designers, because they are afraid that I will become close to other Filipinos and they will teach me to seek for another employer and run away, or they fear that I will be pirated by another employer. 

I remembered during my first Ramadan,  when everyone was out, I was left alone inside the accommodation, the iron grills at the main door was locked and a Filipina sewer named flor, took pity on me, brought some fresh fish from the market, and handed it to me through the locked iron grill. I felt like a prisoner, I didn’t realize, but my tears just flow freely from my eyes. I never imagine I would end up in this situation……I felt defeated, I have very low self esteem, I lost my self confidence, and worst, I stopped being creative.

OMG…I can’t imagine how I survived, but it was this time that I started seeking God…….i am not religious…...but I believe in God and His might and power. All through those months that passed, every minute, every hour and every day of my life, I learned to call on to God Almighty. It was the time that even when I am asleep, every time I turn on my bed, I kept on calling God to take me out from that situation. Running away was the farthest thing in my mind. I believe one day God will take me out, I just don’t know how! But my faith was so strong that I didn’t remove all my clothes from my baggage. I just took out a few I could wear, like three pieces of clothes….........yeah, wash and wear.

The very first moment I receive my salary (a measly 2,500 SR when the the exchange rate for 1$ US to peso was 57.75, I sent it right away to my husband for their needs. Every month thereafter, I never fail to send almost the entire amount I receive. Save only for a little cash I need for my food which is good enough to last till the next salary, and a little cash for telephone cards to call my family. I was not even able to buy new clothes, not even new underwear or vitamins, because I thought they (my family) need it more than I do. The only thing I kept in my mind was, my children needs to finish their education and be able to have a stable future, then I will be happy and contented, never mind if I don’t have anything. 

Days passed, and they became less strict with me (But still I am not happy in that place). They allowed me now to go to the nearby commodity store to buy some stuff for my consumption(together with other Filipinos). Later, the mutawwah asked me to teach his daughter to draw. This angered the gay Filipino designer, who felt like the honor was taken away from him, he made an issue and throw a sign pen at my face. It became a big fight between me and him. The manager was so afraid when I told my cousin (olan, he is a gay designer too) about the incident, knowing that olan had been working in the middle east for 18 years and knew that Saudi law strictly prohibits men and women to work together in the common area, which they violated. This fear, made a way for them to give me a release when I seek to transfer to another employer.

What a relief I felt when I left the place, and I and my cousin olan were together in a fashion shop where he worked. I had more peace of mind. But another trouble aroused. Other filipino workers were threatened by my presence and won’t acknowledge seniority in terms of title or position. There was this filipino cleaner who wants me to bow to her since I am new, which is impossible, they didn’t understand that the head of production team is always the designer. Another problem is the manager/partner of our employer, who seems to give me and my cousin more favor, to the envy of the other filipino gay designer.

The biggest problem was when the manager starts saying, “ for the first time I found a girl I really like but she doesn’t seem to care!” …….then I would hear him say, “ I spent a big amount of money to please a girl I like, and then nothing happen!” and “I’ve been running after a girl for three months already, but she doesn’t even give a damn”. Whatever he utters, I pretended not to hear anything, for me, honesty and loyalty to my marriage should come before anything else. Worse was when he will take me home from work (female workers here are given free transportation and accommodation), he will usually stop at the street kiosk and ask me to drink coffee with him. So I talked to my sponsor, who is his business partner, and I complained about his practice. “Sure he is not doing anything bad, but I am not comfortable with this as

I know Saudi law prohibits man and woman to roam around together who is not related to each other”, And besides, I told my sponsor, it’s wee hour in the morning(2:00 or 3:00 a.m.), I am not used to stay out very late because tomorrow, I still have to get up early and report for work, while he (mr. Basam) comes to work at 4:00 pm. Set aside the fact that I want to go home and rest because I’m very tired. I made it clear that I want to keep safe from any extra marital relationship. It’s not about fear from my husband, it’s not about what other people will say, but it’s about self respect. And my employer really held a very high esteem for me because of that.

But the manager named Mr. Basam, wouldn’t stop, he started treating me rudely. Yelling at me at slightest issue, and I will also yell back at him. This time I have learned to stand for myself…..everyday, we are like cat and mouse. I showed him he will receive a good fight from me in case he makes a mistake. And I know he is also afraid, (maybe because he knew that I am always carrying two knives in my bag) because he just shouts and shout, but he never raised his hand at me.

Because we fight every day, and the employer took side with me, the two of them often times had an argument. Until the time that I thought, enough is enough. I talked to my sponsor, and asked him if he can allow me to leave and work for other people, because the situation is beginning to take its toll on their friendship. Mr. shaogi Al Queblawi, my sponsor was one very good person with a good heart, he understood and he allowed me leave their company and to work outside.

group picture at a born-again Christian church

I found another job still as a fashion designer at the Nawara House for Fashion. It’s a big and famous fashion house in Jeddah, Saudi Arabia. There, I started to enjoy my work. I am freer. I started to regain my self confidence, I started to love my job. And I was befriended by a Filipina I called mommy ester, and she brought me to a secret born    again Christian church. I started to have peace of mind.  

                   
Now, I have group of people I can lean on, it’s like having a family away from home, and I am able to praise and worship God until I decided to have myself baptized.

singing after church service

But that was short lived, because after 4 months the manager (Mr. Basam), started convincing my sponsor to take me back to work with them again, because they need a designer. But I swear I’ll never work with him again, so I approached my sponsor and asked him to just send me back home, Which is very timely because I got an offer to teach in a private college. I readily submitted for a teaching demo before I left, and by God’s grace I was accepted, I went home and come back to Jeddah, Saudi Arabia to teach at the Millennium Institute of technology and Management.

My new job completely turned my life around. I love the family of my employer, and they are all very nice to me. They are considerate and kind. Finally I am able to enjoy the job I love to do.

Designing Haute Couture 

My husband became completely dependent on my remittances. Our daughter was working in Singapore, and he regularly asked money from her too. He picks each and every excuse he can think of, to ask for more and more money. 

Years passed and the same set up never changed. Every time I checked my bank account not a penny was left, no matter how I tried to send all my salary (this time, three-folds of the original amount), still he said it was not enough. I worked day and night, after my regular work; I still take some works at home. Party dresses for wealthy Arab women; those are my other sources of income. I am able to get additional earnings from it, got more money to send him, but still my husband would say it’s not enough because my kids need more money. My son, JP who has a congenital heart defect was not even able to have regular check up because he would say, money is not enough. I encouraged him to start a business of his own so that he will be able to help me, but he never runs out of reason.

When my father died he left us, his children, some inheritance. I had a coconut farm, which I asked my brother to manage. After harvest, my brother will inform me the amount of income, and I told him to give the money to my husband. In return I told my husband to open an account with a bank of his choice, and deposit the money, so when I go home, we have something to spend, because he haven’t saved a single penny from the money I sent him, and I will be able to save the money I brought home from my salary. To my frustrations, I have not seen even one peso of that money, he said, they are all consumed because my children needs more money for food because they won’t eat vegetables. Only to learn that he used to pick up bones thrown by the butchers from the wet market (those they gave out to costumers for their dogs) and have them boiled for “pochero”( a recipe using boiled bones of pork or beef and leafy vegetable). 

I was worried sick thinking of the day; I will grow old and sickly and will not be able to work anymore. Without any savings, how are we going to survive? But my pleadings to my husband seem to fall into deaf ears. 



There are a lots of questions in my mind, that I couldn’t find any answer, thinking he is already old and have problems about sexual dysfunction, and thinking that he is sensible enough to consider the sacrifices I made for him and the children, that he will not have the nerve to betray me. Or maybe the truth is He is just too damn good in living a double standard life. Perhaps he should get an award for best actor.

As the years went, the more he became so obsessed with getting more and more money. The things we would ask him to buy are all overpriced. Once I came home for a vacation, we renovated the toilets and the kitchen area. When I asked him to buy floor tiles, he said it cost 37.50 pesos each. My personal trip to the same hardware store, for the same tiles, same kind, same color, revealed the actual price of 24.00 pesos each. When I was in Saudi, I asked him to facilitate the processing of the certificate from DENR (department of environment and natural resources) for the land I bought, he asked me to shed out 38,000.00 as a payment for processing, only to learn that the government certificate can be requested from the DENR office for free. other than that, he obliged me to pay for his services, and I paid him, 10,000.00 pesos. I have cough out 120,000.00 pesos for the reconditioning of the small zusuki van, and it was not even finish, whereas one can buy a reconditioned unit for only 45,000.00 pesos. All these and a lot more, one whole day is not enough to recall everything……so with the consent from my children, I took away the authority from him to withdraw from my bank account. I only give him an allowance of 3,000.00 pesos for his personal expenses (without doing anything).

at work

Since then on, he refused to talk to me. When I left the Philippines to go back to work in Saudi he never bothered to call me, ask me what my situation is, Not a call even on Christmas, or special occasions. All the while I didn’t know that he spent his time with his mistresses. I thought all the while that his vices were only alcohol and gambling. My children had sensed already that he has mistresses, but they were not sure who. My son Michael suspects that he is sending one to college because he caught him asking someone over the phone if they can met the next day or if she has a class, but they kept everything secret from me because they don’t want to bother me. How he is able to physically sustain these women in spite of his age, and his sexual dysfunction was a mystery to me and my children, until my youngest son JP, told me, everytime he buys medicines for JP’s heart he saw him brought a Chinese medicine in a small bottle, I learned later, it’s “santi”, a Chinese pills for sexual enhancement. I think commiting infidelity out of biological need is forgivable, but if one is physically incapable and still find ways to commit such goes beyond biological need, and might go as far as psychological imbalance…………..(I even suspected schizophrenia).

Seeing my children’s clothes all old and worn out is unbearable. What’s even worse is when he did not pay the tuition of my son Cyreneen, and Michael’s budget for his fare and allowance was not given to him. both stopped going to school. Spending my hard earned money on gambling, alcohol and women is incomprehensible to a sensible mind. Learning that they stopped their schooling because of unpaid tuition, and knowing that other people had taken advantage of my sacrifices and comfort and privileges that my children are suppose to enjoy; stabbed my heart like a knife.

These compelled me to decide, enough is enough! Clinging to the hope that he will change someday is a big impossibility. A year more and his 60 years on earth cannot credit him a single accomplishment. I thought it’s too late for me to realize that he is the one slowing me down. He is the negative energy haunting my family, my home, my life…………and if I want things to change, if I want my life to change….I should discard the negative energy and start anew. Though late, but I think, it’s better late than never!

So we(me and my children), decided to start getting proofs. We know what he is doing, but we need proofs, because without it, a person who lived all his life on lies, under any circumstances, will never accept the truth. 

A lot of sleepless nights, waiting for him go to sleep( we don’t sleep together several years hence, and he sleeps in the sala, with a mat on the floor), so we can steal his phone and get the text messages, call log entries, inbox and sent messages. As in a lot of cases, a lot of evidences can be found in mobile phones.
But cleverly, he puts, no name on the numbers of his mistresses, some only have initials. 



Friends say people who uses this drug, have very warm body temperature, and drinking alcohol with this drug make a very bad side effect in the brain. True…I observed, he became like a totally different person, and his eyes where dilated and have different color, and I think it looks like the eyes of a wolf! 

We got their exchanges of text messages. But during that time, we are not sure, who the woman is. I was so stressed; I need to finish everything before I leave. So I hired 2 secret agents, to get evidences. I only have 5 more days to go. He has no inkling that he was being followed, pictured. He did not suspect even of what was happening or going on because I was in the province and he was in the city. Through my friends, I was able to manipulate the situation and obtain the evidences I need. When he tried to deny I asked for his phone, and I dialed the number of one of his mistresses, and I gave it to him to answer, caught unaware, nothing was left of him but to accept the truth.

I then realize that I don’t need those evidences for confrontation, I need them as proofs, so he will not have the right to insist on staying in my house, which was given to me by my father, and enjoy financial support from me. 

At that time my good side was battling with my bad side. The hatred that engulfed me, was too much, that I was thinking of preparing a one meter long, two inches by two inches piece of wood, which I planned to strike him so hard in the back, and make him crawl on the pavement while leaving my house. My good side told me; why should I ruin my hand with his blood? Let him go, and never let him set foot in my house again. This way he will be forced to work and feed himself. The best revenge is God’s, and to show him that I am happier without him.

As I turned around, I looked at the entire condition of my house, everything in it was very old, even the refrigerator was old and rusty. All the money I sent, he was not able to buy anything. Not even a piece of spoon. Even the doors of the closets were hanging. The walls are flaking, ceiling is faded and window glasses are broken, while his mistress "L E", who is selling Tupperware is building a new concrete house, and is sending her son to college. Another mistress, a mandayan native, is a housemaid of a well-off family and is sending financial support to her family in Hulid, a barrio(countryside). His other mistress is a 20+ year old student whom he is sending to college. Another mistress in a public market has a general merchandise store. While, all my children’s dresses were, used pre-owned dresses, bags and shoes they brought from thrift stores(It’s called ukay-ukay in the Philippines). 

It tore my heart into pieces, realizing my failure as a mother, I should be with them to nurture them, to love them and protect them. Instead I left them in the care of a beast. Indeed it is true, some beast are more human,and some human are worse than beast. Beast's natural instinct; even the wildest and most horrifying ones, protect their young against the predators. For what could be worse than a human who preys on his own family, whom he is suppose to serve and protect? 
Some thief steals from people so they can feed their family, who can be worse than someone who steals from his family to lavish his mistresses and his other vices?

That very night, I obliged him to leave my house and not to bring anything that was brought from my money. And true he was not able to bring anything. Not even the cellphone, because everything he wears and he owns are mine.

i didn't stop 'till i saw the last piece turned to oblivion 

That very night, I did not sleep until the last piece of his things (pants, shirts, sandals shoes, papers etc..) turned into ashes. I want to start a new life and I don’t want to see anything that belonged to him. As I watch the last flicker of fire, I thought Life is like a roller coaster; you have twists and turns, ups and downs, but you will never know when the ride will end...

It was 3:30 in the morning when the last piece vanished into ashes. Amazingly, I slept soundly right after hitting my back on the bed. But I woke up early at about 7:30 in the morning. From the light that illuminated  my bedroom, I can tell that the weather is gloomy….."i think it’s going to rain", I said to myself. I calmly went opened the bedroom door,………. as I went to the living room, there was this strange feeling in me I can’t understand. Still trying to comprehend, I went to the main door to get to the terrace…….when I opened the door, I was surprised of the aura of the entire place. Though the weather seems to rain, but it was surprisingly bright! It seems like a new place!

From the terrace, i looked down to the garden, There were several flowers that freshly bloomed. There were small humming birds chirping, suspended in the air, as they playfully kiss each bud. And a couple of colorful butterflies flying around!

freedom after more than 30 years
this is my life.
Veronica Rosalinda Veroy




please watch for the next episode......coming soon

I didn’t realize how much I lost in my life. I thought, it might be so stupid of me thinking, it took me more than 30 years before I made a decision!...but it’s not important anymore. Those days are gone, and the more important thing is what I’m going to do with my new freedom……. 


I walk around the front yard, to the back yard with a childish giggle….i felt like a kid with a big smile on the face dancing through the rain…..as I looked down from the concrete fence, to the still empty paved concrete subdivision road, I felt like shouting….....and i blurted.....”I’m FREE!!!!”